What Happens in This House Can Be Addressed Outside the House: Addressing Intergenerational Trauma, Racial Trauma, and How We Protect Our Kids
Hey, y’all. This is tough. But we gotta talk.
If you’ve heard about the case of Na'Ziyah Harris, you already know it’s one of the most disturbing things you’ll ever come across. A young girl, abused by someone who should have been protecting her—an adult who was in her life, who manipulated, controlled, and violated her. But it’s more than just a story about one girl. This is about the systems of silence, neglect, and trauma that let these things happen. It's about how we, as a community, need to do better for our kids. This isn’t just happening in one place—this is happening everywhere, and we can’t keep letting it slide under the rug.
Intergenerational Trauma: The Cycle We Have to Break
Intergenerational trauma gets passed down from generation to generation. Emotional neglect, survival-based coping, and even things like not addressing mental health—it all gets handed down, and if we don’t deal with it, it just keeps repeating. A lot of us grew up in households where the goal was just to survive, not to heal. Mental health wasn’t something that was prioritized, and abuse or neglect was sometimes ignored, or even worse, normalized.
And then there’s racial trauma. If you’re a person of color, you know exactly what I mean. The racism, the discrimination—it’s ingrained in everything we do. From how we get treated in the workplace to how our kids are treated in schools. But it doesn’t just affect our day-to-day lives—it affects our mental health too. And when we don’t address it, it’s another layer of pain that gets passed down. The way we cope with it, the way we keep things in the family, the way we avoid dealing with the hard conversations—it all has an impact.
This kind of trauma creates an environment where, in some families, silence is used as a way to “protect” the family from the outside world. But that protection? It comes at a cost. We need to find a way to hold space for those tough conversations, no matter how uncomfortable it gets, so we can protect the children we care about. We can’t keep pretending that everything is fine or sweeping things under the rug. Our kids are watching. They’re learning from us. And if we don’t change the way we handle our trauma, it’s going to show up in their lives too. We need to start healing, not just surviving.
I’m proud of the way our generation is progressing but I’ve seen some takes on TikTok that are PISSING me off— many people are just carrying the torch of trauma— how are y’all so comfortable calling this girl “fast”??????
Stop Calling Black Girls Fast
It gets me heated the way we label Black girls as “fast.” This is something that has to stop. It’s disgusting, and it’s harmful. Calling a young girl “fast” when she shows curiosity about her body or relationships doesn’t just shame her—it removes blame from the person who actually did the harm. It makes the child responsible for the abuse, not the predator.
We need to stop shaming girls and boys for exploring their bodies. That’s not “fast.” That’s normal curiosity. We should be empowering our kids to understand their bodies, not punishing them for asking questions. Demonizing sexual curiosity is a recipe for shame—and shame is the perfect breeding ground for secrecy, manipulation, and silence. If we continue to shame our kids for their natural curiosity, we’re only setting them up to hide things from us. And that makes them more vulnerable to people who will manipulate and abuse them.
Creating space for kids to ask questions about their bodies and sex isn’t about encouraging them to go out there and start having sex. It’s preventive. It’s about creating an environment where they feel safe to talk to you about what’s going on in their lives, what they’re curious about, and what they might be confused by. It gives them a healthy understanding of their bodies, which can protect them from predators who prey on confusion and silence.
If we don’t create that space for them to talk to us, someone else will fill that gap and it’s probably not going to be a good person. We can’t afford to let them be manipulated into thinking they can’t ask us questions. Being open and available for those tough conversations is one of the best ways we can protect our kids.
The Aunt, the Relationships, and Staying With Abuse
Now, let’s talk about the aunt in this case. The fact that she stayed with a man who was clearly dangerous—who had a history of abusing children—blows my mind. And it’s not just her. This happens all too often, where women stay with men who harm children, either because they’re emotionally invested or because they’re trying to keep a relationship going.
This is the thing that frustrates me the most: How many times do we allow harmful men to stay in our lives and around our kids because we feel like we need them? Because we’re scared of being alone or being judged for being single? We’ve got to break that cycle. We need to stop prioritizing relationships with toxic men over the safety of our children.
We also need to stop pretending that our relationships don’t affect the kids around us. If we’re bringing people into our lives who are harmful, we have to own up to that. Staying in toxic relationships only teaches our kids that it’s okay to tolerate abuse and manipulation. We can’t keep making excuses for people who hurt us or our families.
Protecting the Kids in Our Lives
If you have kids in your life—whether they’re your own or someone else’s—be present. Spend time with them. Get to know their world. Don’t just ask them how school is going—ask them how they’re feeling, what’s going on with their friends, if anything feels off. We need to be checking in with them regularly, not just when something goes wrong. It’s about building that trust so they feel safe enough to come to us when they need help.
I spend a lot of time with the children in my personal life. I listen to them talk about life, about school, about everything. I want them to know they’re loved and that they can come to me with anything. Kids need to know that. They need to know they’re supported. And most importantly, they need to know they can trust the adults in their lives to keep them safe.
What happens in this house doesn’t have to stay here. It’s time to break the silence, to talk about the tough stuff, and to protect the kids in our communities. We can’t afford to keep pretending everything’s fine when we know it’s not. We need to heal, we need to protect, and we need to create spaces where our children feel safe to ask questions. They deserve that, and so much more.
Taking Care of Yourself After This
I know this post might stir up some emotions, and if it does, take a moment to check in with yourself. You don’t have to do much—sometimes, the simplest things can help ground you.
Here’s something you can try if you’re feeling overwhelmed: Take three slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and then exhale for a count of four. Focus on your breath, and allow yourself to settle back into your body. It’s a simple way to calm your nervous system when it’s feeling activated.
If that’s not enough, just know that it’s okay to step away. Take a break. Go for a walk, or drink some water. Do something small that feels good for you in this moment. Your feelings are valid, and you don’t need to fix everything at once.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to rest.
This wasn’t one of those posts where I could drop a bunch of resources or solutions. Sometimes, I just need to vent, to get the raw thoughts out—because this hits hard, and is way to common. But I also know that if you’re reading this and it’s resonating with you, maybe you need to hear something else or need support to navigate your own experiences.
So, if you’re looking for help, or if this conversation is sparking something in you, here are a few resources that might be useful:
Therapy for Black Girls Directory – Find a Therapist [Here]
Engaging with Kids – Resources on how to engage with the kids in your life and start having those tough, real conversations. [Resources for Parents]; [Information on Grooming]; [Difficult Conversations]
Sexual Assault Resources – If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, there are people who can help. Here are some sexual assault resources and hotlines that can provide support to individuals who may be experiencing sexual violence or need guidance:
1. National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)
Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Text: Text "STEALTH" to 741741 for crisis support.
Website: RAINN.org
What They Offer: Anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S. Confidential hotline available 24/7, support for survivors, and resources for finding local support services.
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Website: The Hotline
What They Offer: Provides support for individuals experiencing domestic violence, including sexual assault. Available 24/7 and offer confidential counseling, safety planning, and referrals.
3. National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC)
Website: NCVC.org
What They Offer: Offers resources, including guides on how to support survivors of sexual assault, and a directory of resources and hotlines.
4. 1in6 (For male survivors)
Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Website: 1in6.org
What They Offer: Provides support for male survivors of sexual violence, offering online support groups and resources to help with recovery.
5. VictimConnect
Phone: 1-855-484-2846
Website: VictimConnect
What They Offer: A helpline for survivors of crime, offering confidential information, resources, and referrals for victims of sexual violence.
6. The Joyful Heart Foundation
Website: Joyful Heart Foundation
What They Offer: Provides resources and support for survivors of sexual assault and advocates for systemic change in the criminal justice system.
But, more than anything, I hope you know you’re not alone. Keep the conversation going—whether here in the comments or in your own communities. Let’s keep breaking the silence, togethe
