Existing at Work Without Losing Yourself: The First-Gen Balancing Act
I don’t think people really understand what it’s like to be first-generation in the workplace.
You’re not just figuring out a job.You’re figuring out an entire system. One that wasn’t built with you in mind. One that no one prepared you for.
It’s more than learning the work itself—it’s navigating unspoken expectations, likability politics, and the constant weight of being “the first.”
And if you’ve ever found yourself mentally exhausted before the day even starts, just from calculating how you need to show up—I see you. Because I’ve been there too.
The Unwritten Rules No One Told Us About
When you’re first-gen, you enter professional spaces without a blueprint. There’s no parent, no older sibling, no mentor who handed you a playbook on how to move.
So you learn as you go.
And in that learning, you start to realize:
Work isn’t just about what you know. It’s about who you know—which is hard when no one taught you how to network.
Confidence isn’t always rewarded. Sometimes, it makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes, they want you to "wait your turn."
You have to manage people’s perception of you. Being too ambitious? Threatening. Too quiet? Unseen. Too assertive? Difficult. It’s a balancing act.
And even when you’re doing everything right, there’s this quiet fear in the back of your mind:
Am I making the right impression? Am I being taken seriously?
It’s exhausting.
The Performance of Professionalism
If you grew up in a household where you had to be the responsible one, then you already know what it means to perform.
You learned how to adjust yourself depending on the situation—how to be likable, how to be easy to work with, how to not make waves.
And that survival skill? It follows you into work.
You code-switch without thinking.
You soften your tone so you don’t come across too harsh.
You double-check emails so you don’t sound too direct.
You downplay your accomplishments so you’re not seen as bragging.
Not because you want to. But because you’ve seen what happens when people don’t.
And at some point, you have to ask yourself:
Am I working this hard to succeed? Or am I working this hard just to be accepted?
Because those are two different things.
The Pressure to “Prove” Ourselves
As first-gen women, we carry an invisible weight.
We weren’t just raised to succeed. We were raised to be exceptional.
And whether we realize it or not, we bring that into the workplace.
We take on extra work without questioning it. We don’t want to be seen as incapable.
We over-prepare for every meeting. We can’t afford to be caught off guard.
We hesitate to ask for help. We’ve always figured things out on our own.
We fear saying no. Because saying no could mean missed opportunities.
But the truth is, this level of over-functioning is not sustainable.
How We Take Up Space—Without Losing Ourselves
I don’t have all the answers. But I do know this:
We are not meant to just survive in these spaces.
We are meant to exist fully in them.
Without shrinking. Without performing. Without exhausting ourselves just to be accepted.
Here’s what I’m learning about how to do that:
1. You Are Not Responsible for Managing Other People’s Comfort
You are not too much. You do not need to shrink.
If someone finds your confidence intimidating, that’s not a sign for you to be smaller. That’s a sign for them to grow.
2. Stop Working for Validation—You Already Belong
Success is not about proving yourself to people who don’t get it.
It’s about aligning yourself with people who do.
You do not have to over-explain, over-justify, or overcompensate. You are already enough.
3. Rest Is Not a Privilege—It’s a Right
You do not have to earn rest by running yourself into the ground.
You do not have to overachieve just to feel safe.
Your worth is not measured by exhaustion.
4. Likability Is a Moving Target—Authenticity Is Not
You cannot control how people feel about you. You cannot control their biases, their opinions, or their perceptions.
What you can control is how you show up for yourself.
And that will always matter more.
This Is Your Reminder: You Are Allowed to Just Be
You are allowed to take up space without apology.
You are allowed to work hard without burning out.
You are allowed to exist in these spaces fully—not just as an employee, but as a person.
And if you ever feel like you don’t belong, let me remind you:
You are not here by accident.
You are not here because someone did you a favor.
You are here because you earned it.
Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever felt the pressure to perform at work just to exist?
How do you remind yourself that you don’t have to prove anything to belong?
