Some Days Just Feel Off—And That’s Okay

I’ve been in a crappy mood all week.

Not the kind of bad mood where something specific happened. Just a general, low-energy, cranky, I-don’t-want-to-do-anything-but-there’s-so-much-to-do kind of mood.

At first, I blamed it on caffeine. I was drinking way too much of it last week, and it completely threw off my sleep, my routine, and my energy. I rested, but somehow, I still feel drained.

And my first instinct? To fix it. To force myself out of it. To make myself productive so I could override the feeling and snap out of it.

But I’ve been sitting with: What if I don’t need to feel better right now? What if I just need to feel?

Being in a mood does not bring me—or anyone else—harm.

The people around me won’t hate me because I’m off. They won’t leave me because I’m not smiling today. I’m not going to hurt them just by feeling what I feel. Everyone will live. I just have to ride the wave. And you know how difficult that is as a Black person?

Growing up, we were not taught to just sit in our feelings. I think about my grandpa—a military man, a preacher—telling me, “Nothing comes to a sleeper but a dream.” In other words: you don’t have time to rest, you need to get up and be productive. Or my mom, my aunties, or any elder in my family saying, “Fix your face.” Or “You don’t have a reason to be upset.” Or the classic, “Smile or let the devil win.”

There was no room for just being in a mood. So now, as an adult, I still catch myself looking for a reason to feel the way I do. Because if I can’t name it, then how do I justify it? If I can’t fix it, then am I just wasting time feeling this way? It’s so invalidating.

Not Every Emotion Needs a Solution

Somewhere along the way, we learned that feeling “bad” is bad.

That if we’re not happy, something must be wrong.
That if we’re not productive, we’re wasting time.
That if we’re not “fine,” we need to figure out how to fix it immediately.

Newsflash:::::::

Not all emotions are meant to be solved. Some are just meant to be felt. And this week, I’m just feeling.

Not fixing.
Not forcing.
Not explaining.

Just riding the wave.

Riding the Wave Instead of Fighting It

In therapy, there’s a concept called “riding the wave” that comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s the idea that emotions—especially difficult ones—rise, peak, and eventually pass, just like a wave in the ocean.

When we fight our emotions, we make the waves stronger. When we try to ignore them, they push back harder. When we judge ourselves for feeling them, we add an unnecessary layer of suffering.

But if we ride the wave, we acknowledge that the feeling is here, we let it exist, and we trust that it will move on when it’s ready. I’m trying to do that this week.

Instead of fighting how I feel, I’m letting myself just be.
Instead of forcing productivity, I’m allowing rest.
Instead of rushing to feel “better,” I’m recognizing that I don’t need to be “better” to be okay.

If You’re Feeling Off Too, Here’s Your Reminder:

• You don’t need to justify why you’re in a mood.

• You don’t have to rush yourself into being okay.

• You don’t need to explain your feelings for them to be valid.

• You don’t owe happiness to anyone, including yourself.

If you’ve been feeling off lately, let this be your reminder:

You are allowed to ride the wave.

And no matter how high or low it takes you, you’re still you. You’re still whole. You’re still worthy.

Let’s Talk About It

Have you ever caught yourself trying to fix your emotions instead of feeling them?
What does emotional validation look like for you?