Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt: Choosing Yourself & Creating the Love You Deserve
For too long, we’ve been taught that love is something to endure, something to prove, something to fight for. That if love doesn’t come with struggle, it isn’t real.
We were raised on stories of waiting, suffering, proving… because why did 10 year old me think playing a man in basketball for his heart was romantic?!!!!!!! Women were told to stand by their man no matter what, to hold it down even when it was breaking them, to be patient while someone figured out how to love them correctly.
There’s some decisions being made in my life and I’ve had to remind myself that:
Love does not have to be painful to be real.
You do not have to suffer for love to be worth it.
You are already worthy of the love you desire—without having to earn it through endurance.
This idea that we must struggle first to be worthy of joy later is a lie. And nowhere is that more evident than in how we approach love.
What Is Soft Love?
Soft love is peaceful, intentional, and secure. It doesn’t force you into hyper-independence or codependency—instead, it allows you to simply be.
It is not fragile, but it also doesn’t demand suffering to prove itself.
Soft love looks like:
Consistency. Love that doesn’t have you wondering where you stand.
Emotional safety. Love that allows you to express without fear of judgment or withdrawal.
Reciprocity. Love that flows both ways—not one person doing all the work.
Ease. Love that isn’t riddled with anxiety, confusion, or uncertainty.
Choice. Love that is chosen daily, not forced out of obligation.
Soft love is not about avoiding hard conversations, challenges, or growth—but it’s about doing those things with mutual care and intention, not with suffering and survival mode.
Soft love allows you to exhale instead of holding your breath.
The Myth of Struggle Love
For generations, we’ve been sold the idea that love is something you must struggle for. That a relationship only becomes real once you’ve been “through it” together.
But that’s not love. That’s survival.
“Every couple goes through hard times.” – Yes, but every couple does not have to endure betrayal, inconsistency, emotional unavailability, or neglect just to prove they’re meant to be.
“If you love someone, you’ll fight for them.” – Yes, but love is not a battlefield. If the person you love is making you fight for the bare minimum, that is not love—it’s emotional exhaustion.
“No relationship is perfect.” – Of course not. But a relationship should not be a constant battle for worthiness, security, or stability.
Love should challenge you, but it should not break you.
Soft love does not require pain as proof of commitment.
And yet, we’ve been conditioned to believe that the most “real” love stories come with a painful beginning. That if someone finally treats you right after making you suffer, it makes the love deeper. But does it?
A love story that requires you to lose yourself in the process is not a love story—it’s a tragedy.
What Choosing Soft Love Looks Like
Choosing soft love means rejecting the idea that love must be earned through struggle. It means refusing to prove your worth to someone who should see it without question.
It means knowing that:
You are worthy of love right now—not after you prove your endurance.
You do not have to wait for someone to “get it together” to deserve a healthy relationship.
You are allowed to leave any situation that does not nurture or nourish you.
The love you desire is not too much, too idealistic, or too rare—it exists, and you do not have to suffer to have it.
You Deserve the Fairytale — Without the Suffering
The love you dream of is not unrealistic. The softness, the security, the deep connection you desire—it is real, attainable, and waiting for you.
But to have it, you have to believe you deserve it.
And that starts with:
Not settling for love that requires you to fight for basic respect and care.
Refusing to mistake struggle for passion.
Trusting that love does not have to be chaotic, unpredictable, or hard to be deep and fulfilling.
If you are in a relationship that is beautiful, healthy, and fulfilling—hold onto it. Water it. Choose it every day. But if you are in a space where choosing yourself feels like the harder choice, I want you to remember this:
Love should not feel like survival mode.
You should not have to earn the love that is meant for you.
You are already worthy of softness, peace, and ease in love.
The fairytale you want? It is real. And you don’t have to suffer to have it.
Let’s Reflect Together
Drop a comment or tag me and share:
What is one way you are choosing softness in love?
What does real love look like to you?
Because you deserve love that doesn’t ask you to struggle for it first. And it all starts with you.
