Stepping Into Softness: The Power of Releasing Struggle

For so long, I believed that to be strong was to endure. That to be worthy, I had to push through, fight for everything, carry weight that wasn’t mine, and prove—over and over again—that I could handle it all.

I learned how to survive before I ever learned how to rest. And when survival is all you’ve ever known, softness can feel like a luxury you don’t have the privilege to afford.

I don’t have to struggle to deserve peace. I don’t have to suffer to prove my worth. I don’t have to earn softness. I was always worthy of it.

And so are you.

Why Softness Feels So Unattainable for Black Women

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman.” – Malcolm X

Black women have long been positioned as the backbone of their families, their workplaces, and their communities. We have been conditioned to be strong first, soft later—if ever.

Historically, our strength has been our protection. We had to be strong because our survival depended on it. We had to be resilient because the world was not built with us in mind.

From the labor of our ancestors to the weight of expectation placed on us today, we are often seen as the ones who hold everything together. And if we falter? If we express vulnerability? If we lean into rest, ease, or emotional softness? We risk being labeled as lazy, weak, or incapable.

bell hooks wrote about this in Ain’t I a Woman, describing how Black women have been burdened with strength while being denied the tenderness that should have always been ours.

“Being oppressed means the absence of choices.” – bell hooks

Many of us were never given the choice to be soft. We were told to work twice as hard, to expect half as much, to endure, to push through, to “make a way.” We were taught that self-sacrifice is the highest form of love.

But what if we unlearned that? What if we allowed ourselves the very thing we have been historically denied? What if we chose softness instead of struggle?

Softness is Not Weakness. It is Liberation.

Maya Angelou once said, “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

Softness does not mean fragility. It does not mean weakness. It does not mean passivity.

Softness is choosing yourself when the world has told you not to.
Softness is allowing joy, rest, and ease to exist in your life without guilt.
Softness is knowing that you are worthy of love without having to perform for it.

I was talking to a client recently about this shift—how when struggle is all we’ve known, it almost feels wrong to let go, to stop fighting, to choose peace. But there is something powerful about allowing yourself to exist without resistance. To move through life with grace instead of gritting your teeth through it.

This is what I’m practicing now.

Softness in how I speak to myself. No more inner monologue that sounds like a drill sergeant.
Softness in how I let love in. No more proving my worth, just accepting that I am already enough.
Softness in how I let go of what no longer fits. No more gripping onto things that don’t hold me back with love.

I am letting softness be my new strength. And I am trusting that life can be good to me without me having to fight it.

Where Can You Choose Softness in Your Life?

If you’ve been carrying struggle like an identity, you don’t have to anymore.

Think about the areas in your life where you’re holding onto resistance—where struggle feels like the only option. If you’re up to it, journal the following prompts:

💭 What would happen if you loosened your grip?
💭 What if you allowed something to be easy?
💭 What if the version of you that is at peace is the version of you that was always meant to be?

Toni Morrison said, “If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down.”

You don’t have to hold everything together to be worthy of rest. You don’t have to prove yourself to be deserving of love. You always have been enough.

Write it down. Say it out loud. Choose softness.

Because you don’t have to earn what you’ve always deserved.

Let’s Reflect Together 🤍

Drop a comment or use tag #ADoseOfSoftness and share:

Where are you choosing ease over struggle this season?

What does softness look like for you?

Let’s talk about it, because we deserve this. All of us.