From Panic to Peace: A Black Girl's Guide to Living with Anxiety and PTSD
Let’s get one thing straight right from the jump: I did not grow up in a family that talked about mental health. Therapy? Who’s she? Anxiety? Not for Black folk—at least, that’s what they told us.
I grew up in a "pray it away" household. Feeling overwhelmed? Just take it to the Lord. Can’t focus? Child, go drink some ginger tea. Having panic attacks? Now, you know we don’t do that in this house.
And listen, I love my family, but back then, mental health care wasn’t even in question. It wasn’t something we discussed. Therapy felt like a foreign concept. Anxiety? They’d act like I was making it up or, worse, “acting out.”
But here’s the truth: I wasn’t acting out. I was struggling. And, unfortunately, nobody in my life had the language to help me figure that out.
Anxiety and Black Girlhood: The Trouble with “Attitude”
Let me tell you something about anxiety—it’s sneaky, and it wears a million disguises. For me, anxiety didn’t just show up as trembling hands or panic attacks. Sometimes, it showed up as irritability. And if you’re a Black girl, you already know how that story ends: What’s with the attitude? Fix your face. You always gotta be so snappy.
My anxiety would bubble up as frustration, and that frustration got me into trouble more times than I care to admit. I wasn’t trying to be rude; I was overwhelmed. But instead of anyone asking what was wrong, they’d say, “Stop acting grown” or “Don’t bring that mess in here.”
This is what happens when society ties us to the Strong Black Woman schema—that unspoken rule that says we’re supposed to handle everything without breaking a sweat. Black women are taught to bear pain, push through, and never let them see us cry. It’s exhausting. But let me tell you: being “strong” doesn’t mean burning yourself out trying to meet impossible standards. It’s okay to be human, to ask for help, to let yourself feel. That’s strength, too.
When "Good Enough" Is Never Enough
I didn’t realize how much of my anxiety stemmed from this need to be perfect at everything. Growing up, it felt like I was either making straight A’s or failing at life. There was no in-between.
The pressure to succeed—to prove myself, to avoid making mistakes, to not mess up because the stakes were too high—was suffocating. And when I wasn’t perfect (because spoiler alert: nobody is), my anxiety would eat me alive.
I was stuck in this loop: overachieve, burn out, beat myself up, repeat. Perfectionism wasn’t just about excelling; it was about survival. And that’s a hard cycle to break, especially when you feel like the world expects you to have it all together 24/7.
For Us (Not) By Us
One thing I wish more people understood is that anxiety doesn’t always look like hyperventilating or crying in a corner. For me—and for many Black women—it shows up as:
Constantly feeling on edge, like I’m bracing for something bad
Snapping at people over little things
Difficulty relaxing (because who has time to rest when the world is burning?)
Overthinking and replaying conversations in my head, looking for where I went “wrong”
In the Club, We All Fam
Anxiety isn’t my enemy. In fact, I’ve started to personify her—yep, I gave my anxiety a whole personality. And guess what? I’m not mad at her anymore. She means well. She’s just trying to keep me safe, even if she goes about it all wrong sometimes. Anxiety makes sure I pay my bills on time, she makes sure I pack must haves for vacation.
When I stopped fighting her and started listening, my reaction to her changed. Instead of spiraling, I can say, “I see you, girl. I know you’re here because you care. But I’ve got this. You can sit this one out.”
You’re not Broken, your Body is Doing its Job.
It’s been helpful for me to understand why my body was betraying me when anxiety or trauma popped up. Let me explain it to you, free of charge. Imagine your body has this super smart security system. It’s always on guard, watching for threats—like that messy coworker, a bad date, or even that one auntie who always comes with shade, we call it the vagus nerve. It runs on something called your nervous system, and it’s trying to keep you safe.
But sometimes, it gets confused. It’s like that one car alarm in the neighborhood that goes off for no reason. That’s anxiety and PTSD—they’ve got your body thinking there’s a problem, even when things are fine.
Here’s how it works:
Calm and Chill Mode
When life is good, your body knows it. You feel relaxed, your energy’s balanced, and you’re ready to take on the world. You can laugh at jokes, handle stress without flipping out, and just vibe. This is where we all want to live but for people with anxiety and PTSD, it’s not always easy to hang out here.Fight or Flight Mode
Let something stressful happen, and BAM! Your body hits the panic button. Your heart races, your muscles tighten, and you feel like you’ve got to fight or run. This is your body thinking, Girl, we’re in danger! Anxiety often parks you here, keeping you on edge for no reason.Shut Down Mode
And if the stress gets too much—like overwhelming much—your body might just give up. You feel drained, numb, like you’re on autopilot. You’re not being lazy, sis; your body’s just trying to protect itself by checking out.
Healing Tools That Help Me Thrive
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably wondering: Okay, but how do I deal with anxiety when it shows up? Let me drop some gems on what’s helped me:
Affirmations & Mantras: One of my favorites is straight out of Philippians 4:6—“Be anxious about nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.” I repeat this to myself when I feel anxiety creeping in, combining it with deep breathing. And let me tell you, it’s chef’s kiss.
Sound Healing: Green noise (think rain, waves, or wind) has been a game-changer for me. Add some sound bowls and frequency noise? Listen, my brain feels like it’s doing yoga. It’s grounding, it’s clarifying, and it’s peaceful.
Butterfly Hug: Cross your arms over your chest, hands on your shoulders, and gently tap. It’s simple but powerful. It helps me calm my nervous system when anxiety tries to hijack my body. Check out this video to see it in action.
Exercise and TIPP: Working out helps me sweat out the stress (and feel snatched). And when I’m in distress, I use TIPP (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Progressive Relaxation) to bring myself back to calm.
Self-Compassion and Humor: Let’s be real—healing is messy. I’ve learned to give myself grace, to rest when I need to, and to laugh at myself when I take things too seriously.
Safe Spaces: Being around people who make you feel seen and supported can calm your body faster than you think. Therapy or even a FaceTime with your bestie can help you get back to center.
The Bigger Picture
At the end of the day, my anxiety isn’t my enemy. I’ve learned to see her as a part of me that’s just trying to protect me. She’s not out to hurt me—she’s just loud and dramatic sometimes. (I mean, same.)
Through therapy, faith, and these tools, I’ve gone from feeling like anxiety controlled my life to realizing that I’m in the driver’s seat. Healing isn’t linear, but it’s worth every step.
As you navigate this journey of understanding and managing anxiety, remember this wisdom from the late, great Nikki Giovanni
"Once you know who you are, you don’t have to worry anymore."
For Black women, this is a reminder to embrace the strength, depth, and complexity of who we are—beyond the labels, the stereotypes, and even the expectations we sometimes place on ourselves. Healing starts with knowing and owning your truth. When you can do that, worry starts to lose its power.
So, let’s keep doing the work: finding balance, leaning on our practices, and rewriting the narratives that don’t serve us. Be proud of every step, no matter how small. You've got this.
Now, go take a deep breath, play some green noise, and give yourself a Butterfly Hug. You deserve it.
Books I’ve enjoyed on this Journey:
The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health by Dr. Rheeda Walker
Black Girl, Call Home by Jasmine Mans
Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto by Tricia Herse
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We're Not Hurting by Terrie M. Williams
Be Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado
Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua
