Loving the Process: Finding Beauty in the Messy Middle
The end of the year hits differently, doesn’t it? Especially when everyone else is out here posting highlight reels: promotions, engagements, new babies, glowing “2024 has been my year” captions. And then there’s you—staring at your phone, wondering if the universe skipped over your RSVP.
If this is hitting a little too close to home, let me remind you of something: the messy middle isn’t the end of your story. In fact, it’s where the magic begins.
This is why I’m obsessed with Capri Delgato’s journey in the Delgato series by Jahquel J. This weekend I finished her story in Capri 3.5 and I was in tears. Her story? It’s real, raw, and way too relatable. Capri didn’t just wake up one day with her life perfectly put together. She cried through her struggles, faced the fear of starting over, and stumbled through the “What now?” moments. And the best part? She came out on the other side stronger, happier, and living a life she never thought she’d have.
Let’s get into it—how Capri Delgato’s messy middle can teach us to embrace our own, especially when everyone else seems to have it all figured out.
The Truth About the “Messy Middle”
Here’s the thing: nobody posts about the messy middle. Nobody’s out here bragging about how they cried themselves to sleep or how they barely scraped by. But that’s exactly where Capri’s story begins.
After losing this forced “happily ever after”, Capri felt lost. Her life wasn’t what she imagined it would be, and she didn’t know what the next chapter looked like. Sound familiar? That’s because the messy middle is where so many of us find ourselves—confused, unsure, and overwhelmed by everything we don’t have figured out. This girl had me STRESSED throughout the series, sis was the definition of doing it for the plot.
But Capri’s story reminds us that the messy middle isn’t the end. It’s the bridge that takes you to everything you’ve been praying for—even if it feels like the longest, bumpiest bridge in the world.
What To Do When You’re in the Mess
If you’re looking at the end of the year and feeling like you didn’t “win” 2024, let me be real with you: your life doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s highlight reel. And honestly, if you’re in the messy middle, here’s how you can embrace it:
1. Stop Comparing Your Process to Their Finish Line
Capri wasn’t scrolling through Instagram comparing her tears to someone else’s wedding photos. (Okay, maybe she was, but she didn’t stay there.) Your timeline isn’t their timeline. Their wins don’t cancel out your growth. You’re not behind—you’re exactly where you need to be, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
2. Let Yourself Be Messy
Let yourself feel all of it—the sadness, the frustration, the loneliness. We get used to pushing it down or faking a smile, which is unfair to our reality. So, if you’re in the messy middle, give yourself permission to be messy. Cry if you need to. Write a list of everything that’s pissing you off. It’s okay not to have it all together. Nobody does.
3. Find the Lesson in the Chaos
Capri’s messy middle wasn’t pretty, but it was necessary. It was through the tears and confusion that she found clarity, learned who she was, and built the foundation for the life she always wanted. Your mess isn’t pointless. It’s teaching you something—about yourself, about life, about what you want.
4. Remember That the Story Isn’t Over
Capri’s full-circle moment hit hard because she didn’t give up. Everything she thought she’d lost—love, stability, happiness—came back to her, and then some. Whatever you’re crying over now? That’s just one chapter. The story isn’t over yet.
Heading Into the New Year
Here’s the real talk: the end of the year doesn’t have to mean a neat, tied-up bow on your life. Sometimes, it just means survival. And that’s okay.
Capri Delgato’s story is proof that the messy middle doesn’t define you—it prepares you. So, if you’re feeling stuck, uninspired, or like you didn’t “win” 2024, let me remind you:
You’re not behind.
Your timeline isn’t broken.
Your messy middle is leading you to something bigger.
When midnight strikes on December 31st, don’t stress about setting resolutions to magically fix your life. Instead, embrace the fact that the mess you’re in right now is part of the process. The tears you cry today are watering the seeds of growth. The struggles you’re facing now are shaping you into the person who’s ready for what’s next.
Capri didn’t rush her journey. She didn’t try to skip the pain. She stayed in it, leaned into the process, and came out stronger on the other side. And you can, too.
Let’s Toast to the Mess
So, here’s my challenge for you as the year wraps up: stop wishing for the good part and start loving the process—even the messy, uncomfortable, tear-filled parts. Because one day, you’ll look back and realize that the mess wasn’t just part of your story—it was the part that made everything else possible.
Your full-circle moment is coming. And trust me, it’s going to be worth the wait.
What’s Your “Messy Middle” Moment?
We’ve all been there—stuck in the chaos, wondering if we’ll ever reach the other side. What’s one lesson you’ve learned while navigating your own messy middle? Or, what’s something you’re still figuring out?
Let’s start a conversation in the comments—your story might inspire someone else who’s in the thick of it right now.
This Week’s Resources
Delgato Series by Jahquel J
Follow Capri Delgato’s journey in this raw and relatable series that explores love, loss, and finding yourself. Jahquel J’s storytelling highlights the power of growth, even through heartbreak. (Series starts at Capone -> Cappadonna -> Capri. Fair warning, it gets nasssttyyyy).We’re Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union
A collection of essays about life’s highs and lows, offering a real and vulnerable perspective on navigating challenges.You Are Your Best Thing edited by Tarana Burke and Brené Brown
An anthology of Black voices sharing their stories of vulnerability and resilience.The Sisters Are Alright by Tamara Winfrey Harris
A love letter to Black women, dismantling stereotypes and celebrating the beauty of imperfection.
Podcasts
The Read
Kid Fury and Crissle’s hilarious yet heartfelt conversations touch on everything from pop culture to navigating life’s challenges.Therapy for Black Girls
Dr. Joy Harden Bradford delivers practical advice on mental health and self-care for Black women.Balanced Black Girl
A motivational podcast with actionable tips to grow through life’s messiness while honoring your journey.Black Girl in Om
Focused on holistic wellness and self-care, perfect for finding grounding in chaotic moments.
Journaling Prompts
What would my 10-year-old self think of who I am now?
What part of my journey am I most proud of, even if it didn’t go as planned?
What would it look like to give myself grace in this season?
Who inspires me, and why?
Journals and Tools
The Remedy Journal by Intrinsme
This beautifully designed journal offers prompts and reflections to help you find clarity, focus, and healing during the messiest moments. It’s the perfect companion for embracing your growth journey.
Social Media and Online Communities
The Nap Ministry (@thenapministry)
A reminder to rest and take care of yourself as an act of resistance and self-love.Alex Elle (@alex_elle)
Daily doses of gentle reminders, journaling prompts, and encouragement for life’s middle moments.Black Women Healing Pod (@blackwomenhealingpod)
A safe space for Black women to explore healing, mental health, and self-compassion.
Books & Resources for Growth
Black Girls Must Die Exhausted by Jayne Allen
A heartwarming and honest exploration of life’s challenges, friendships, and self-discovery.It’s Not All Downhill from Here by Terry McMillan
A powerful story about reinvention and finding joy even when life throws curveballs.
Affirmations for the Messy Middle
“I am not behind; I’m exactly where I need to be.”
“My pace is mine, and it is enough.”
“This chapter is part of my story, and it has value.”
“I will celebrate the small wins because they lead to big victories.”
Professional Support
Therapy for Black Girls Directory
A resource for finding Black therapists who can help you navigate the mess with compassion and understanding.HealHaus
A wellness space centered around healing for people of color, offering virtual therapy, yoga, and meditation.Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective (BEAM)
A community supporting Black mental health and emotional well-being.