Should I ghost my friends?

Message: Dear Ken, I love this blog it is so needed for the times we in and I feel like I am getting good advice from my big sister, I want to see you win with this. I'm writing in hoping you can give me some insight and tips on moving forward. You talked about how important it is to have community and how important your friends are to you in helping you. I'm 25 and realizing I dont have that and its so sad because I have "friends". I think I am outgrowing my friends because I really just want people around me who are trying to reach their goals and live the life of our dreams like I don't want to always go to brunch and yap. I feel like we aren't really reaching our full potential and I should meet new people. People who want to talk about business and growth. Broke people should never laugh and I'm getting annoyed because why are we going out to brunch if we still punching a clock. Will my friends be my downfall if I don't move around? Should I tell them why we can't be friends or just fall back, I'm not good at conflict so I don't want to make it something bigger. What do you think Thank you in advance.

Response

Hey Bria, I hear you, but I don’t completely feel where you’re coming from. You’d probably hate me and my girls because we are total “yap queens.” We definitely aren’t sitting around talking business analytics all the time. But here’s the thing — I’m a self-driven girl, and I happen to be surrounded by other self-driven people. We keep each other accountable, talk about our goals, and even help each other out — but that’s only about 20% of our relationship. The rest is love, fun, and pure connection.

I’m strict with these men, but not strict with my girls. Friendships need grace and understanding, not rules and judgment. If you’re craving more goal-oriented conversations, start by asking your friends if they’re open to creating space for that. But be mindful — assuming your friends don’t care about their futures or aren’t goal-oriented just because they’re not in the same headspace as you is dangerous territory. That’s a you problem, not theirs.

Don’t hold contempt thinking you’re “better” because brunch doesn’t feel right to you right now. People are in different seasons of life, and that’s okay. If you want your circle to shift, start with yourself. Put in the energy and effort to be the person you want to attract. Whether your friends join you on that path or not, you’ll find your tribe as long as you’re true to yourself.

Now, about ghosting: Don’t do it. Ghosting is an immature way to deal with discomfort. Instead, be honest but kind. Let them know how you’re feeling — that you’re shifting your focus and looking to connect with people who align with your current goals. That way, you leave the door open for the friendship to evolve rather than slamming it shut.

At the end of the day, life is about balance. Friendships aren’t one-dimensional. You can laugh over brunch and also help each other grow — the two aren’t mutually exclusive. If your current friends don’t vibe with the growth you’re craving, that’s fine. Just don’t burn bridges or let assumptions get in the way of meaningful connections. Your energy will naturally attract the right people, but only if you’re leading with love, not judgment.

Hope that helps! Keep shining and building the life you want!